When you are networking, you are activating the “reticular activating system” within the person you meet. This is the system that causes you to see pregnant women when you are pregnant (or your spouse is pregnant); causes you to see red BMWs when you just purchased a red BMW; and so forth. Millions of impressions are in your environment at any given time, and our human brains can only focus on a finite number of them – typically less than 10. So, what you are doing when you are networking is to awaken that part of the other person’s brain that recognizes opportunities for a person such as yourself.

Realize that success could be defined a year from now or six months from now. Do not approach the lunch as though this person has the key to your future – that is too much pressure for a stranger to take on!

Here are some practical steps to take:
1. Listen to the advice given by this individual. He or she is taking precious time out of his or her day to spend with you. Appreciate and acknowledge this. So often we will ask for advice and then we don’t want to hear what the person suggests. Even if you find the advice such that you may have heard it a dozen times, be of open mind and communicate receptivity to the advice he or she shares.
2. Find out if he or she is seeking something for which you may be of assistance. Even a plumber! Listen to his or her needs, if this comes out, and see if you cannot be of service in some small way to this individual.
3. Keep two to three key points in mind that you wish to communicate. Perhaps something like “I am seeking a position with a company that is working on exciting technological advances.” Or something like “I am seeking a position where I can be part of a project team. I have always excelled as an individual contributor.”
4. Define yourself well enough so that if in the next few months, an opening or connection occurs to the person, this person will remember you and make the match on your behalf.
5. Even if you are insecure and feel that you have not been successful in your job search to date, leave those insecurities at home. It doesn’t really matter to the person you are meeting whether your job search has been successful or fruitless. Who cares? No one except you and possibly your family. Define your job search to date from the framework of success. Be careful about your language around this. If you can’t say anything good, then don’t talk about your search at all. “I am open to the right position now,” or “I am looking for opportunities where my skills can make a difference” could be descriptions that frame your search in a positive light. You are a more desirable candidate when you are focused on landing the next position and not looking backwards at all of the places where you looked and did not find something.
6. Sing a few of your own praises in a way that is calm or connected. “I’ve been successful in the past when I …” “I seem to always land on my feet. Thank you for your time. Please let me know if you have other suggestions for people I might be able to meet with to further my search.” See if he or she can recommend another person to meet with on your networking journey.

Then, be sure to follow up with a thank you card, ideally a hand-written, mailed, actual card with an actual stamp, with no ulterior motives. Just a brief note that says thank you for your time, would be great. You would be surprised how nicely a real card will behave in comparison to a quick e-mail note. I have personally seen my cards sitting on the person’s desk or kept on their fridge months after I sent them. You don’t see e-mails printed out and tacked on someone’s wall. Be the difference, stand out. Why not?